For This Child I Have Prayed

So, first of all, let me start by apologizing for being so MIA. Since my transfer, things got a little hectic and this momma could hardly keep up! But I truly hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

October and November are crazy busy months for us. October was filled with fall coming to an end quicker then usual here. We got our first snow before Halloween! Pumpkin spice lattes, cozy sweaters, pumpkin carving, boots, img_6741pumpkin patch visits and Halloween. November is also probably one of the hardest months of the year for me personally. Cadence turned 4 on November 7th, and it was so fun being home for her birthday this year. (We were out of town for her previous birthday) We celebrated a “Unicorn Themed” birthday, with a trip to Lava Island, basically a massive indoor play area for the kids to go bat shit crazy and tire themselves out, then came home for a unicorn shaped cake, confetti, gifts, and pizza with all of our neighbors. Cadence had a blast, and although it was a little hard not having Brett here another year to celebrate with us, it makes me smile so much seeing how happy Cadence is and how much she is loved by everyone around us. Not to mention, I have to pat myself on the back for raising this strong willed child on my own, of course with the help of our neighbors and friends. (Thank God for them! It really does take a village) I had total mom fail and didn’t take many pictures of her birthday and the ones that I have are blurry. Oops!

Second, November 15, was what would have been my 6th wedding anniversary with Brett. These days are always bitter sweet remembering him and always thinking about how life would have been now a days if he was still with us. Brett and I always, and I mean always would go to Benihana for date nights or special occasions. Anyone who knew us knew that if I said it was date night, that we were going to Benihana. And this year, I continued our tradition and went to Benihana with the support of my girlfriends on the day of my anniversary and again (yes again, cuz I mean, who wouldn’t?!) with our neighbors a couple days later. I have to admit, years get easier, and I am reminded that it isn’t just me that wants to carry on his memory, but its also those who loved him and knew us that want to help celebrate those special days, and for that I am so grateful!

I also hosted “friendsgiving” again this year, and had all of our neighbors over. It was so much fun. Everyone brought a dish, and there was plenty of laughs, kids running everywhere, and full bellies. img_6992This is a tradition that I really look forward to every year as it is a chance for all of us to get together and take a break from our busy lives and really spend time together.

So, by now I’m sure you’re thinking, “Ok Mielle, get on with it…whats the big news.” img_7076Well, first let me put down the hot cheetos that I’m currently shoving my face with. But I am soooo excited to announce that after 2 years of off and on IVF treatments, thousands of dollars, 2 miscarriages, over 200 needle pricks, patches and pills,  pregnancy tests, blood draws, bruises, tears, frustration, feeling defeated, laughter, making fun of myself (because you honestly just have to laugh throughout the entire process), and finally tears of happiness, I am FINALLY pregnant!! Baby BOY (yes, you read that right) Kerkhof is set to make his debut in June 2019. I have tears in my eyes just writing this because it is still so surreal and I honestly have to look at my ultrasounds just to make sure its still real.

Cadence is beyond excited, and at school this year, her teacher asked her what she was thankful for and she replied, “My baby brother in my mommys tummy.” She is always asking when he is going to be here and talks about him every day. I am so happy that I am able to finally give her a sibling, and feel even more blessed that this little one can carry on in his daddys legacy. (For those wondering, no, I will not be naming him Brett. However, I will be using Bretts middle name of Thomas for his middle name too.) But, that being said, I do have two names that I keep going back and fourth on. Crew or Maverick. Since Cadence can be used as a military term and us being a Gold Star Family, I kind of wanted to stick with something military related for my son. I’m literally torn between the two names, and who knows, I honestly could hate them both by the time he gets here, and of course there will be people that don’t like either names, which is totally fine with me. That being said… I’m totally open for suggestions. Its still crazy to think that I’m going to have two mini Bretts running around the house and it’s going to be pure mayhem. Am I ready? Hell no, who is? Am I scared? Shitless. Is it going to be hard? SO hard. But I will figure it out. I have plenty of help this time around, and I remind myself that not only did I manage Cadence as a baby, but I had Brett to take care of as well, and if I could do that, then I’ll be able to do this too.

A little update on how the pregnancy is going… its so different then my first pregnancy with Cadence. With Cadence, I had no real symptoms besides being tired, craving pizza, oranges, and anything healthy. However, she did put me on bed rest at 28 weeks for pre term labor and tried to come out a handful of times. This little guy literally sucks the life out of me. img_7100I’ve had spotting, dizziness, horrible nausea and now take medication twice a day for who knows how long to keep that at bay, more weight gain then before and showing already, cravings like no other, mostly foods that aren’t good for you or that I tend to not eat a lot of like chocolate, pasta, red meat, doughnuts, hot cheetos (thats a new one, and still currently shoving my face with them), breads, ice cream, pop tarts, lucky charms cereal, and McDonalds. I know, I’m slightly disappointed in myself with my bad choice of eating, but now that I’m 12 weeks and cleared to go back to the gym, I’m getting my butt in gear and making sure I go at least 3 times a week and make better choices in food. I’m also probably just as tired, if not more then I was with Cadence. I’ve become the queen of naps, and its the only way I can get through my day. And let me tell you, the pregnancy brain struggle is REAL!! I literally can not remember anything. I sometimes feel like I’m losing my mind. Other then everything I listed above, this pregnancy is going great. He is healthy and just the perfect little blessing! I really can’t wait to meet him to see if he’s just like his daddy. Another big milestone is that I have officially graduated from my IVF clinic as of today. I had my final blood draw and my body can now produce all its own hormones without the support of the hormones I had to give myself. Can I get an amen for no more progesterone shots?! I must say, I was a little sad to say my goodbyes today, my nurse Tanya, Dr. Bush, and everyone were always so supportive and encouraging. I was always greeted with happy faces and it sort of feels like I had to say goodbye to part of my support team/family. Ill definitely miss everyone, but I promised to keep in touch and visit when I can.

Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive in this journey so far. I know I say it a lot, but I truly am so grateful for each and every person who is in our lives today. I promise to post more, not every post will be IVF related, but with Christmas right around the corner and other milestones, Ill have plenty of things to blog about. I’m also working on a post very close to my heart about how Brett and I met and his cancer journey. Its taking me quite some time, and Ive needed some emotional breaks, but I want it to be perfect. It is, after all, the reason why I am where I am in life and why I’ve started this blog. So, stay tuned!!

XO

Wake, Pray, it’s Transfer Day!

So, as some of you may know, I had my transfer on October 2nd. I know there has been a few days that have passed since then and I’ve had every intention to write this post that day, but when your IVF doctor gives you valium to help calm nerves and relax, sometimes you just come home and sleep. But since then I’ve also really taken some time for myself to enjoy the quiet and literally just do nothing.

img_6381The night before my transfer, of course I was nervous. I have spent countless days of being poked and prodded, sleepless nights with worry, travel, and not to mention thousands of dollars. But the one thing that I keep telling myself is that it will all be worth it to be able to have another child with Brett despite him not being here with us, and to be able to give Cadence a sibling. Before going to bed that night, I prayed for peace, guidance, and to be blessed with another little miracle (because lets be honest, we conceived Cadence not knowing Brett had cancer, and it’s a miracle that we were able to have her) and to go into my transfer the next day with confidence and full trust in God as well as Dr. Bush and his team.

The morning of my transfer I woke up feeling excited. (Which was completely different then my last two transfers back in San Diego.) And little nervous, which I knew was normal, but my anxiety about it all had totally disappeared. I did my normal morning mommy routine of getting Cadence ready, doing breakfast, and then off to school. I came home and enjoyed a cup of coffee, Face timed with my friend Andrea back home, spoke to my little sister Arielle,  and then decided to stay busy by doing my hair and make-up. Because, why not? I wanted to feel good. (Those who know me, I’m all about doing whatever you want to make yourself feel good.) I wanted to feel confident going into my transfer. I knew I had the best doctor in Colorado, my nurse Tanya was going to come down to the pre procedure room to say hello and give words of encouragement, and I had one of my best friends Krista with me. Who has held my hand, been the one to give me my shots, and occasionally been known to talk me off a ledge. I also decided that morning to wear my wedding ring and my small necklace that held Bretts ashes. I wanted to feel close to him during the transfer and I felt it to be appropriate as well as comforting.


Fast forward a couple hours, they request you to have a very full bladder and my nurse had given me a Valium to help relax and calm any residual nerves, so needless to say I was feeling pretty good. Krista drives me to the IVF clinic, where I check in, get my wrist band, and start with some blood work. We are then taken back to a pre procedure room where I’m given a gown and little booties (so glamorous right?) and Krista is handed a surgical gown, hat, and booties as well since she was going to accompany me the procedure room. The embryologist, Glen, came into the room and hands me a picture of my little embryo in a frame, and tells me its my first baby picture, which I thought was really special. As I mentioned in a previous post, I had done PGS testing on my remaining embryos, thus resulting in knowing the sex of this little embryo that I transferred. ( I’ve chosen to only tell a few people until the time is right) Once in the procedure room, it basically looks like you’re at your OB’s office but way more sterile, and a couple extra people, they ask you to get onto the table and put your legs in the stirrups. Every womans favorite part, right? HAH just kidding. img_6391_facetune_02-10-2018-12-24-43The embryologist is in the room (earlier in the morning the lab began thawing my little embryo to get ready for transfer) and an ultrasound tech to help guide Dr. Bush in the transfer. Dr. Bush then loads my embryo into a catheter, and with an abdominal ultrasound to allow him to see the perfect placement, he then inserts and places my little embryo to the perfect spot. Basically the procedure is over by then. All in all it takes all of about 15 minutes. Afterwards, they had me lay there for about 10 minutes and then allowed me to get up, use the restroom because I had to have a very full bladder, get dressed, and then I was free to head home.

The days following the transfer were actually pretty quiet and relaxing. The doctor requested that I stay on a modified bed rest for 3 days. Luke and Krista took Cadence for the first 2 days and then Susie, who has really become a huge part of our lives since we’ve moved here, took Cadence the third day. Since I’ve touched on Luke and Krista, I feel it is only right to share who Susie is to Cadence and I. She has been another one of those people that have truly touched our lives in such a positive and supportive way. Cadence calls her “Gramma Susie” and she definitely plays that role in Cadences life. She has been here for us since before Brett had passed away and has really watched Cadence grow up since she was about 6 months. Susie is just another one of those people that have really been selfless when it comes to being supportive of us and I truly feel so blessed that she is part of our lives and plays such a significant role in Cadences life. img_6420

Anyway, I got all mushy again, damn hormones!! Back to bed rest and relaxing. As a solo parent, I admit it was nice to have those 3 days to myself. I watched a ton of netflix, read a little, and slept. I did start to experience light cramping and low back pain, but when my nurse Tanya called to check up on me, she said it was totally normal and not a bad thing. And as of yesterday, I’ve started experiencing a little bit of nausea. Im really focusing on on the mindset of  “one day at a time” and not wanting to get my hopes up. But now is the dreaded two week wait, I wont find out if the transfer worked until around October 15th. So until then, I’ll just continue to take it easy, I start taking clients next week, and I’ll be trying my best to keep busy.

This has been quite the wild ride, with lots of ups and downs,  but from the bottom of my heart, thank you for all the support, it truly means the world to me.

XO

 

 

One week til Transfer Day!

img_6314 Well… here we are. A week until my transfer day on October 2nd. Today I went in for my trigger shot as well as an intralipid infusion. An intralipid infusion contains soy, egg, and other good fats which helps decrease inflammation and natural killer cells. I also finished my “mock cycle” (which I mentioned I was doing in a previous post) and my biopsy results came back negative. Meaning there is nothing wrong, and nothing special that is needed to be added to my hormone protocol this time. Which is great news!! My IVF doctor and nurse have really pulled out all the stops to really prep my body to receive the embryo and I’m so very grateful for such a confident and supportive team.

A lot of people have been asking how I’m feeling. Well, in short terms… not myself. I feel bloated, full of hormones, and kind of spacey. Im pretty low on energy, and tend to nap a lot. My anxiety is also starting to pick up a little bit. Which is something I have always struggled with since Brett passed away, and I’ve been able to manage that for the most part. But now, with my transfer being a week away, I’ve noticed the feelings of anxiousness and worry starting to come back. Which I mean let’s be honest, it’s been a long fertility journey so far with miscarriages and feelings of hopelessness. So it’s only natural to feel this way. I’ve been experiencing more sleepless nights, and have been passing the time by reading and watching a lot of Netflix.

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To the right, is what my hormone and medication protocol looks like. Its quite a lot and very detailed. If all goes well and I receive a positive pregnancy test, I will continue to do three different hormones until about 12 weeks pregnant. Some people think after the transfer all of the hormones stop. NOPE! I don’t stop the hormones unless I receive a negative test! I have, however, learned to embrace the pills, patches, and injections and I try to make the best of it.

Also this time around, I really haven’t done any diet changes, acupuncture (sometimes it is recommended to help, but there is no evidence proving it helps your chances), fertility teas, cutting out certain foods and alcohol or anything of that sort. Ive been going about my normal routine and actually taking time for me to relax and pamper myself while Cadence is in school which is something I definitely didn’t do the first two times I did IVF. It’s hard not to stress, and “try not to think about it” but I’ve really tried to remind myself to take it one day at a time and to pray for a positive outcome.

Thank you to those who have texted, called, and emailed me words of encouragement. Its been really amazing to feel such great love and support this time around. I promise to keep you all updated as I continue this journey.

XO

The mountains are calling, and we must go

 

Today was our annual mountain trip to Breckenridge. We’ve made it a tradition to go every year to see the fall colors and this year was absolutely stunning! The trees were so vibrant, with shades of oranges and golds. It really took my breath away!

img_5973_facetune_15-09-2018-16-44-46We drive up with our neighbors Luke and Krista, along with their girls Makenzie and Kamryn. Who, in all reality are really more family, not neighbors. I just want to take a quick second to brag…this family has literally adopted Cadence and I and really have made us a part of their family. We have family dinners at least 3-4 times a week, we celebrate holidays and birthdays together, our kids are basically siblings (fighting and all), they have helped me in some of my darkest times, and celebrated in my biggest triumphs. They encourage me to grow as a mother, and help me navigate this new life. (Because lets be honest, I have no idea what the hell I’m doing most of the time.) Without them, I truly wouldn’t be where I am today. But most of all, they treat Cadence as if she were their own. To watch her be included in their family, and even in their extended families really just melts my heart and once again reminds me that family isn’t always blood related. Family are those, like Krista and Luke, that are truly there for you. On your ugliest and darkest days, and on the days where there is forward growth. And no matter what, those people are there, holding your hand, encouraging you, hugging you when you cry, and laughing with you. Those are the people you want in your corner in every aspect of your life. I am beyond thankful to have Luke and Krista in our lives. I probably don’t tell them enough, but I honestly don’t know what I’d do without them, and I feel extremely blessed and honored to call them family.

img_6058OK ok, now back to our annual family trip to the mountains. We pile the kids in the Tahoe, grab some Starbucks and make our way up the Kenosha pass, which is where our first stop is. And this year was absolutely breathtaking, hands down better then last year, which by the way, was freezing, windy and rainy. Today was nothing of the sort. It was 80 degrees, not a cloud in the sky, the trees were a beautiful gold color, the kids were happy for the most part, and the hiking trails didn’t seem all too packed. We stopped along the way for photo ops, of course, and it was fun seeing the kids walk hand in hand up the trail in front of us. I think we even got a little sign from Brett that he was there with us today, which made the morning just that more special. As I looked around at the scenery, I kept thinking to myself “this isn’t real life” because of how stunning the morning was. Fall is my favorite season, but fall in Colorado is just much more special. It was fun watching Cadence run through the aspen trees, and throw the leaves up into the air. She was totally in her element, and I love watching her explore.

After about an hour and a half the kids started getting hungry, and we knew the meltdowns were upon us, so we walked back to the Tahoe and drove about an hour to Breckenridge. First stop, Crepes A La Cart. If you are ever in Breck, this is a must! It is hands down the best crepes I’ve ever had, and there are so many choices. From sweet to savory, and everything in between, you will not be disappointed. The line is a little long, but it is well worth the wait. They had their seasonal fall crepes this time and it was a choice between Pumpkin Maple Cheesecake or Pumpkin Pie… I chose Pumpkin Pie, and holy cow! So yummy! It was filled with brown sugar, pumpkin pie filling, cinnamon, graham cracker, and whip cream. If you are counting calories, I wouldn’t recommend it, but, if you are like me, and really could care less, then I would absolutely say GO FOR IT! Cadence had a Nutella and strawberry crepe, and for such a little girl, she almost ate the whole thing. She was all smiles with a face full of chocolate when she was all finished.

 

 

After our crepes, we decided to walk around. We stopped into some cute boutiques, toy stores, Luke stopped into a Cigar store (which was well deserved for being the only guy on the trip and putting up with all of us girls), img_6034-1and then to the local cookie place to pick up some yummy treats. Finally it was time to head back home. But, not without stopping for pizza at Beau Jo’s. I mean, lets be honest, if you know me, you know I wont turn down pizza. Beau Jo’s is a regional chain that specializes in Colorado style thick crust pizza. Its definitely touristy, but the pizza is good, and the atmosphere is great. By the way, apparently its a Colorado thing to dip the crust of your pizza in honey. Being from California, I thought it was really weird at first, but theres a saying, “dont knock it till you try it” and I have to admit, its pretty good.

After dinner, we piled our tired and dirty kids back into the Tahoe and headed home. It was the best day, and so nice to get out of suburbia and into the crisp mountain air, to see the beautiful colors of the aspen trees and enjoy a wonderful family day. There were lots of laughs, singing in the car, “spoken word” (basically reading rap songs in poetry form. Its hilarious.), lots of photos taken, happy kids for the most part, minimal crying, and very full bellies. Its days like today, that even though I so wish Brett could be here to experience these things with us, I know he is looking down on us and watching. He made it known today. And I am once again reminded, that although life isn’t how I thought it would be, Cadence and I are extremely blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives.

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IVF…3rd times a charm…right?

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IVF….kind of a scary term when it comes to anyone going through infertility or when you’re in a situation like mine where you want a baby and you can’t because your husband has passed away. As a widow, you go through all of these new changes; becoming a solo parent, grief, letting go of your previous life, and finding a new normal. You end up asking yourself, do you continue to go through with the plans you made with your husband? Or do you go through with new plans that are more suited for your “new life.” In my case, Brett and I wanted another baby. We wanted our kids to be close in age. But when Cancer has other plans for you, everything else gets put on the back burner and you just go into survival mode.

It’s also a topic many women feel like they can’t talk about. Honestly, that is just so sad to me. No one should be ashamed when faced with something like infertility. When it comes to my situation, I felt like I had to keep it such a secret. I did end up telling some people the first two times I went through IVF ( Yes, I’ve already gone through two IVF cycles!!) I’ll touch on that in a few. But, when I did tell certain people, I got a lot of negative comments:

  • “Why would you want another baby and your husband isn’t even alive?”
  • “Isn’t that going to make dating hard?”
  • “No one is going to date you with two little kids”
  • “Why don’t you have a baby with the next man who comes along in your life?”
  • “Can you even afford it?”
  • “You’re still so young, why are you giving up your life for another baby?”

Literally the list could go on. I found myself trying to justify why I wanted another baby and looking for peoples approval. And when I actually sat and thought about it, I realized that I shouldn’t give a shit what people think about my decisions. Those people with the negative comments just dont understand and don’t deserve my energy in a situation like this and I truly only want those friends who are excited for myself and this journey and whom want to be uplifting and supportive…because let’s be honest, IVF is fucking scary! Now, don’t get me wrong, I did have a small support system during first two IVF cycles. They went to my appointments with me, helped me with Cadence, made me laugh, held my hand, and hugged me when I cried. Without them, I’m not sure if I would have had the courage to continue with my journey.

Ok, so lets start at the beginning. Before Brett passed away, during a doctor appointment with his oncologist, the doctor had asked if we wanted more kids. Now, I was about 28 weeks pregnant with Cadence, on bed rest for pre term labor, uncomfortable as all get out, and emotionally distraught because my husband had just been diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. So in my head I was like oh hell no! But then the doctor had recommended Brett do sperm banking just in case we had wanted to have another baby because he didn’t know how the chemo would affect Bretts fertility. My first two IVF cycles were done at the Naval Hospital in San Diego. (I grew up in San Diego, and that is where Brett and I met) Also, due to the fact that Brett was in the military, it was more cost-effective to do my IVF cycles at the Naval Hospital. I mean, lets be honest, IVF is freaking expensive!! So, I packed my Tahoe with a months worth of clothes and everything I needed, my friend Andrea flew in to help me with the drive and wrangle Cadence, threw Cadence in the car (not literally), and we drove the two-day drive to San Diego from our home in Colorado.

My experience at the Naval Hospital, was…um…interesting. Anyone who has had to go to a naval hospital knows that you are literally treated as a number. In the IVF clinic it was a little different, their bedside manner was a little better, but not much. Both doctors, were nice and professional, but very monotone. One also questioned me a few times wondering why I wanted to do this and gave me his personal opinion saying that he didn’t quite agree with my decisions. Needles to say, I wasn’t super fond of him after that and gave him a big “screw you” in my head. Looking back now, I should have seen that as a red flag, but I’m stubborn, so I still chose to go forward with my IVF cycle. With both IVF cycles, I did a retrieval (where they pump you with hormones over a course of a couple of weeks, put you to sleep, and individually take out each egg to be combined with the sperm to create the embryos) Let me tell you, that procedure sucks and the recovery for me was horrible. A little less then week later was my transfer, which is when they insert a catheter and plant the embryo into your uterus. You have 5 days from the retrieval to do your transfer. Post transfer, I still had to continue Progesterone in oil, which was administered by myself with a huge needle into the muscle in my butt. Yeah, that one is definitely not comfortable either. I also did genetic testing on my embryos to rule out any birth defects, certain cancers, or down syndrome. In doing genetic testing, I was able to find out the sex of my embryos, which is kind of exciting. With my first transfer, I only had one embryo make it to day 5, a girl. With my second transfer, I had 2 embryos make it to day 5, two girls, and four embryos make it to day 6, which I ultimately ended up freezing for later use. Anyway, after the transfer, is the dreaded two-week wait. They tell you to relax, (yeah right!) keep busy, and do anything you can to take your mind off of waiting to go get blood work for your HCG levels to find out if the procedure worked and you are in fact pregnant.
With both transfers, I ended up miscarrying at about 5 and 6 weeks. I was heart broken, but I just kept telling myself, that it wasn’t meant to be. And only in Gods timing would it be right.

So, here I am, a year and a half later, ready for round 3. I’ve made some changes. I am no longer doing my IVF cycles through the Naval Hospital. I found an amazing IVF doctor named Dr. Bush who has the highest success rate in Colorado. And I had my remaining 4 embryos (2 boys and 2 girls) and Bretts last vial of sperm transferred to the wonderful clinic he works at called Conceptions here in Denver Colorado.
I have also gone through a “mock cycle” called an ERA biopsy. The cycle results will be able to tell Dr. Bush and his nurses a little more information as to when the best day to do the transfer is and if I will need more support as in hormones added to my actual cycle. They are very determined to get this little baby to stick and for me to have a healthy pregnancy so they are doing everything they can to gather more information for this to be as successful as possible.
I am so much more confident in Dr. Bush and his team, and they’ve already, in some way, have become extended family and a great support system. They are truly invested in their patients and definitely don’t treat you like a number. I also have a much stronger support system here as well. My neighbors are truly like my family, and are so excited for me to go through this journey again, my friends here are holding my hand through this process, and I still have my little tribe back home in San Diego cheering me on. I am so thankful for such amazing people in my life to walk down this path with me.
I will be posting more as I get further along in my cycle.

Here we go, onto cycle number 3!

About Me

kirkhofriver-1

Hello & Welcome!

For those of you who don’t know me, My name is Mielle. A very unconventional widow, Gold Star Wife to Ssgt Brett Kerkhof, (those that don’t know what a Gold Star Wife/Family is, I’ll explain later) and mommy to a very spirited, strong willed, smart, and beautiful little girl named Cadence. I’m a full time mom, and hairstylist/business owner who loves to decorate, take absolutely too many photos, get caught up in a good book, go to the gym for my own sanity, and spend time with my best girlfriends. I wear entirely way too much black, have a morbid sense of humor, drink a lot of coffee, probably cuss a little too much, and mostly, a very proud military widow.

Why a Blog?

Well, to be honest, Ive always loved to write. When my husband Brett got sick, I spent a lot of nights in quiet hospital rooms either reading or journaling. At this point I could either write a book or do a Lifetime movie. But I’ll spare myself the sanity. Over the past year or so, I’ve had many friends approach and encourage me to start a blog, and to be honest, I’ve been a little nervous to share my opinions, outlooks, and experiences with followers. But at the same time, I want a place where I can be raw and unapologetically myself. And the more I’ve really thought about it, the more I feel inclined to just put it all out there! My hope for this blog is to help or inspire those who are either struggling with similar life experiences or another hardship to keep going. Don’t give up. I know it can get hard, like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, but there is. I promise!

This blog is going to be about my journey through widowhood, single parenting, dating, hardships, fails, brags, life, and anything else that gets thrown my way. Hopefully you all, whoever is reading this, will enjoy following along my fun, crazy, sometimes frustrating, journey through this new life. Stay tuned!

XO, Mielle