So, first of all, let me start by apologizing for being so MIA. Since my transfer, things got a little hectic and this momma could hardly keep up! But I truly hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving.
October and November are crazy busy months for us. October was filled with fall coming to an end quicker then usual here. We got our first snow before Halloween! Pumpkin spice lattes, cozy sweaters, pumpkin carving, boots, pumpkin patch visits and Halloween. November is also probably one of the hardest months of the year for me personally. Cadence turned 4 on November 7th, and it was so fun being home for her birthday this year. (We were out of town for her previous birthday) We celebrated a “Unicorn Themed” birthday, with a trip to Lava Island, basically a massive indoor play area for the kids to go bat shit crazy and tire themselves out, then came home for a unicorn shaped cake, confetti, gifts, and pizza with all of our neighbors. Cadence had a blast, and although it was a little hard not having Brett here another year to celebrate with us, it makes me smile so much seeing how happy Cadence is and how much she is loved by everyone around us. Not to mention, I have to pat myself on the back for raising this strong willed child on my own, of course with the help of our neighbors and friends. (Thank God for them! It really does take a village) I had total mom fail and didn’t take many pictures of her birthday and the ones that I have are blurry. Oops!
Second, November 15, was what would have been my 6th wedding anniversary with Brett. These days are always bitter sweet remembering him and always thinking about how life would have been now a days if he was still with us. Brett and I always, and I mean always would go to Benihana for date nights or special occasions. Anyone who knew us knew that if I said it was date night, that we were going to Benihana. And this year, I continued our tradition and went to Benihana with the support of my girlfriends on the day of my anniversary and again (yes again, cuz I mean, who wouldn’t?!) with our neighbors a couple days later. I have to admit, years get easier, and I am reminded that it isn’t just me that wants to carry on his memory, but its also those who loved him and knew us that want to help celebrate those special days, and for that I am so grateful!
I also hosted “friendsgiving” again this year, and had all of our neighbors over. It was so much fun. Everyone brought a dish, and there was plenty of laughs, kids running everywhere, and full bellies. This is a tradition that I really look forward to every year as it is a chance for all of us to get together and take a break from our busy lives and really spend time together.
So, by now I’m sure you’re thinking, “Ok Mielle, get on with it…whats the big news.” Well, first let me put down the hot cheetos that I’m currently shoving my face with. But I am soooo excited to announce that after 2 years of off and on IVF treatments, thousands of dollars, 2 miscarriages, over 200 needle pricks, patches and pills, pregnancy tests, blood draws, bruises, tears, frustration, feeling defeated, laughter, making fun of myself (because you honestly just have to laugh throughout the entire process), and finally tears of happiness, I am FINALLY pregnant!! Baby BOY (yes, you read that right) Kerkhof is set to make his debut in June 2019. I have tears in my eyes just writing this because it is still so surreal and I honestly have to look at my ultrasounds just to make sure its still real.
Cadence is beyond excited, and at school this year, her teacher asked her what she was thankful for and she replied, “My baby brother in my mommys tummy.” She is always asking when he is going to be here and talks about him every day. I am so happy that I am able to finally give her a sibling, and feel even more blessed that this little one can carry on in his daddys legacy. (For those wondering, no, I will not be naming him Brett. However, I will be using Bretts middle name of Thomas for his middle name too.) But, that being said, I do have two names that I keep going back and fourth on. Crew or Maverick. Since Cadence can be used as a military term and us being a Gold Star Family, I kind of wanted to stick with something military related for my son. I’m literally torn between the two names, and who knows, I honestly could hate them both by the time he gets here, and of course there will be people that don’t like either names, which is totally fine with me. That being said… I’m totally open for suggestions. Its still crazy to think that I’m going to have two mini Bretts running around the house and it’s going to be pure mayhem. Am I ready? Hell no, who is? Am I scared? Shitless. Is it going to be hard? SO hard. But I will figure it out. I have plenty of help this time around, and I remind myself that not only did I manage Cadence as a baby, but I had Brett to take care of as well, and if I could do that, then I’ll be able to do this too.
A little update on how the pregnancy is going… its so different then my first pregnancy with Cadence. With Cadence, I had no real symptoms besides being tired, craving pizza, oranges, and anything healthy. However, she did put me on bed rest at 28 weeks for pre term labor and tried to come out a handful of times. This little guy literally sucks the life out of me. I’ve had spotting, dizziness, horrible nausea and now take medication twice a day for who knows how long to keep that at bay, more weight gain then before and showing already, cravings like no other, mostly foods that aren’t good for you or that I tend to not eat a lot of like chocolate, pasta, red meat, doughnuts, hot cheetos (thats a new one, and still currently shoving my face with them), breads, ice cream, pop tarts, lucky charms cereal, and McDonalds. I know, I’m slightly disappointed in myself with my bad choice of eating, but now that I’m 12 weeks and cleared to go back to the gym, I’m getting my butt in gear and making sure I go at least 3 times a week and make better choices in food. I’m also probably just as tired, if not more then I was with Cadence. I’ve become the queen of naps, and its the only way I can get through my day. And let me tell you, the pregnancy brain struggle is REAL!! I literally can not remember anything. I sometimes feel like I’m losing my mind. Other then everything I listed above, this pregnancy is going great. He is healthy and just the perfect little blessing! I really can’t wait to meet him to see if he’s just like his daddy. Another big milestone is that I have officially graduated from my IVF clinic as of today. I had my final blood draw and my body can now produce all its own hormones without the support of the hormones I had to give myself. Can I get an amen for no more progesterone shots?! I must say, I was a little sad to say my goodbyes today, my nurse Tanya, Dr. Bush, and everyone were always so supportive and encouraging. I was always greeted with happy faces and it sort of feels like I had to say goodbye to part of my support team/family. Ill definitely miss everyone, but I promised to keep in touch and visit when I can.
Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive in this journey so far. I know I say it a lot, but I truly am so grateful for each and every person who is in our lives today. I promise to post more, not every post will be IVF related, but with Christmas right around the corner and other milestones, Ill have plenty of things to blog about. I’m also working on a post very close to my heart about how Brett and I met and his cancer journey. Its taking me quite some time, and Ive needed some emotional breaks, but I want it to be perfect. It is, after all, the reason why I am where I am in life and why I’ve started this blog. So, stay tuned!!